On March 25, 2000 at 21 years old, I chose to have an abortion. Out of fear of what my family and others would think and lack of support, I remained silent. I sat in my sin and chose selfishness instead of choosing to give life to the baby that was growing inside of me. . . except that it wasn’t considered a baby by the world’s standards and certainly NOT the abortion clinic. It was merely a blob of tissue, I bought the lie.
The abortion experience itself was horrifying! I felt like a sheep being led to slaughter, an animal being herded from room to room, except that I was alone. The clinic’s exterior looked like a large cabin you would stay in for a weekend retreat. Upon entering, each room would change. The atmosphere was filled with fear and death. The ladies that drew my labs were joking and laughing amongst one another unaware of my crisis. Following that, I was given 2 pills and when I asked what they were, I heard an abrupt, “I don’t know!” I was not allowed to see the ultrasound, just given the date of conception. After exiting, I was sent to the abortion room which was dark and cold and had one outdated dentist light and a kitten poster on the ceiling as if to make light of what was actually happening.
As I laid on the exam table I was given nitrous-oxide prior to the suction curettage abortion, in which my baby was being vacuumed from my womb. Once the procedure was done, I was sent to “the recovery room” which was lined with brown leather recliners with approximately 15 other girls. I was given juice, crackers, and a heating pad for my abdomen while they observed me to make sure I didn’t bleed out.
The final room can only be described as an old stale locker room. I made multiple attempts at getting dressed and with each attempt, I was writhing in pain. It felt like I was being stabbed repeatedly in my lower abdomen.
The long term impact of abortion, that no one tells you about, was deep mental and emotional anguish, thoughts of suicide, depression, self-hatred, shame, guilt, condemnation, and self-medicating to numb the pain of a loss I was never getting back, EVER!
Relationships going forward were negatively affected to the point of choosing a marriage partner who mentally, emotionally, and psychologically abused me for 15 years. Thank God my story doesn’t end there!
February 4, 2022 I began my journey to healing through She Found His Grace, a ministry for abortion regret and recovery. I knew I was saved but I wasn’t free. I have now experienced a freedom I’ve never known. I am so grateful to the Founder, Serena Dyksen, for her “YES” and to God for the opportunity to experience true freedom in Christ. I look forward to using my healed voice to help other post-abortive women experience the freedom I have so they can walk in the fullness of all God has for them.
No longer will I remain silent.